Writing & Creating My Way Through

The sixteen page questionnaire that I have to fill out for my attorney is very daunting.  My memory about what happened is crystal clear, but things like names and dates are all a little foggy now.  I will do my best and just answer everything as completely as I am able.  Those people in my life who cared back then, I wonder if they'll care now; if their memory of those months is as clear as mine? I can remember the shame, the confusion, the pain, the anxiety, the disappointment, the sadness, the stress, the fear - all of it.  When we tried to expose the truth 27 years ago it was the longest nightmare of my life - one I do not look forward to reliving.

My anxiety is building already and we haven't begun any formal proceedings.  I hope I have the strength for this.  The support system I have around me is solid, but ultimately it is I who has to move through this process and find my healing path.

I need to make a point each day to NOT think about all of this for a few hours.  Its hard because of my OCD and anxiety.  If I make a point of being creative every day that ought to help.  On that note I made a necklace with what little energy I had. I've been working with a lot of color recently, so I decided to create in black and white.

I think I am going to paint. I am wanting to put a brush on canvas. If I continue to get healthier I should have the energy.

Writing this blog has sparked the flame to pick up writing I began many years ago.  I started writing about the facts and circumstances that made me who I am, but put it down wondering who if anyone would be interested in the story.  I am considering starting a separate blog to continue working on this story so that the Body Electric Jewelry blog can remain about jewelry and current things.  I'm still not sure anyone would read it, but maybe it would be a good personal exercise.

This weekend (assuming I am healthy) I finally get to meet our friends' baby.  I am so excited.  Caring for babies is one of my most favorite things to do. At least until they can say "no", then giving them back to their parents is in order.  My kids are almost all grown now, and I miss their babyhood.  So I get to live vicariously though our friends.  Any time I can spend with that sweet baby will certainly be a positive distraction and bring me much happiness.

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