My eldest daughter is in Spain. I am so thrilled that she has the opportunity to study abroad. I am also a bit jealous having never had the opportunity to travel to Europe. I hope she has the time of her life. She's such an amazing young woman and I am so proud of her.
The attorney is supposed to call me back today. You know, if by chance we can proceed with some type of lawsuit, wouldn't any settlement reached just further push the corruption under the carpet? True justice is not likely to occur here on earth. I am not a person of faith, so it hard for me. A believer finds comfort in their confidence that justice will be served in some other realm, by some powerful deity. I am open to that possibility, and certainly hope for that outcome, but blind faith is something I no longer have.
The humiliation I suffered has perpetuated a constant deep sense of shame. The feeling that my self worth and my sexuality are one and the same. I was only worth what I could do for him and for his career. Once I served my purpose all attempts were made to destroy me. I think I still operate at that level to some degree. If I am not being productive, or creative or doing for others I have an overwhelming sense of worthlessness. I am working on my self worth it is a long journey.
After so much pain and silence I'd like to imagine that people will know the truth and believe it. Like the Catholic Church, the Jewish community denies and silences its own humanity. There are sick people everywhere, in every walk of life, every financial bracket, every leadership position and yes in every religion. There are women and men, girls and boys who endure abuse every day from people they love and trust. These predatory individuals must be removed from society to protect innocent lives; Not just "dealt with internally" by religious institutions. O.K. time to step down off my soap box for the day.
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