Running on Empty

Well I am running on about 3.5 hours of sleep today.  I could not shut my brain off last night. I am guessing sheer exhaustion is finally what did me in.  I started sketching for a new painting, I cleaned up my beads (a bit), and I looked at charms for some new theme bracelets I want to make. I even created a list of things to start on and/or do today. I sold another piece today, a set with earrings.  I can hardly believe it, this makes three days in a row!

Between the mood swings and the inability to sleep I think this may be the onset of a hypo manic episode. I know the symptoms, and now I have a support system in place to help me work through it rather than act out.  Struggling through this will be just that a true struggle. In the past, although I struggled miserably, I self medicated in all sorts of unhealthy and dangerous ways.  Now that the joy of creating is back in my life, its one of the positive things I can do to maintain control and happiness.

I made one small piece today: a bracelet. I've been meaning for some time to start making LGBT Pride jewelry.  This is my first attempt.  The emphasis on this piece is certainly the "L" - LOL. I have a few other ideas rambling around inside this over crowded disorganized brain of mine.

Heading to the therapist today which is really good timing under the circumstances. My only reservation is that I have to drive downtown and I am now thoroughly exhausted. I've pumped quite a bit of caffeine into me today - I am thinking the next option might be sugar (although I've had my share of that too today). I absolutely abhor the taste of energy drinks so that is out of the question.  I'll figure something out because I really want this to be a productive therapy session.

We are having a very small get together at our place on Sunday for the Super Bowl.  Actually its more about people coming over to eat and laugh at the commercials, but nevertheless its an excuse to cook yummy finger foods and drink beer. I am going to work on the menu tonight, and get started shopping and cooking first thing Saturday (after some nice morning cuddle time with my wife). If anyone has a really good Super Bowl recipe they want to share - I'll include it in our Sunday fun.

I lived in Baltimore for almost ten years, so I'll be rooting for the Ravens. This means nothing really because I neither care about nor know anything about the game of football. This doesn't bother me, but it usually makes me the laughing stock at any Super Bowl party.  Since its at our house, maybe I wont get laughed at quite so much.

Please send me happy good nights' sleep thoughts. Hopefully I'll have some energy tomorrow.

Today's JET Team love: (This is a gorgeous pendant!)

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Images and jewelry designs may not be reproduced, copied, duplicated, printed or otherwise used without the expressed written consent of Body Electric Jewelry or agents. All photos, text, designs are the property of Body Electric Jewelry. Photos may be used for personal enjoyment or archive purposes but photos, text and jewelry designs may not be used in any manner for financial gain or commerce by anyone other than Body Electric Jewelry.

The Elusive Good Nights' Sleep

Got a lot done this weekend.  And we did get to see The Hobbit on Saturday.  We really enjoyed it - I am looking forward to the second movie. Unfortunately, on Saturday night I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, and could not go back to sleep.  It involved me shooting a gun at people, and it scared the crap out of me because I have never had a dream like that. I do not own a gun nor do I like guns.  Maybe it was some weird underlying anger or something.  Either way it was disturbing.  I tried to think of positive happy things, and that wouldn't work either, so I just got up and had some coffee and a muffin.  I spent the rest of the day in an exhausted fog.

No jewelry making this weekend, but my daughter and I did make some really yummy cookies-n-cream cupcakes.  Here's a pic. The icing was amazing.  I just used a fairly standard butter cream icing recipe and blended crushed double stuffed oreos into it. The cake needed a bit more flavor though so I need to tweak that recipe before I make it again.  They are really yummy though.

I am still quite tired and just pushing through the day with the hopes of getting another good nights' sleep.  My chihuahua Fiona has a favorite place; on my wife's shoulder.  It's hilarious really.  She gets herself all comfortable and perched up there everyday, and everyday my wife bitches and moans about her choice of resting places.  They both fell asleep in just that position the other day.  It was really sweet so I had to take a picture.

Our friend Yvonne came over on Sunday and spent the night.  We took her to dinner to the only kosher Israeli restaurant in the Dallas area: Natalie's Kitchen.  Their felafel and shwarma are both just amazing. Our other friends met us there too, and we all had a really nice evening.  Every time we go to this restaurant we purchase my favorite Israeli candy bar, Pesek Zman.  We always buy quite a few but it never seems like enough!

Yvonne stayed over last night and helped me out big time by following me to the mechanic so that I wouldn't have to wait there while they fixed my car.  I love my car and she's still in the shop right now.  I hope to have her back tomorrow.  For 90+% of my driving life I have driven kid friendly vehicles - which is understandable given my circumstances.  But now that most of them are grown, and the two youngest don't travel too many places with me, I finally got a fun car.  Now I drive a Mini Cooper. I've named her Maxine, just for the irony of it.  She's a little sick right now, but they are going to make her all better.

It might be time for a nap, or in the very least a solid few moments of rest.  Tomorrow is a new day and back to the week's routine.

On The Mend?

Well, the attorney called back like he said he would.  I'm beginning to wonder if he passed the bar! :) LOL  It's refreshing to deal with someone who keeps their word.  Apparently they are willing to pursue legal action against this former rabbi, and the institution which looked the other way and covered everything up.  I want to pinch myself to be sure its true.  Is it possible that the truth will finally come to light? That his current flock of sheep will realize they are being led by a wolf?  I so desperately want to let that glimmer of hope shine, but my rational and practical side reminds me that the good guys don't always win, and lies can be sustained for generations.  I will do whatever I can, whatever is in my power to bring the truth into the light; for my own healing, for other victims and even more importantly to prevent further abuse.

I found some energy and created a new piece. After I finished I was just totally exhausted.  My chest is still very tight and coughing hurts all over.  I think the body is still trying to tell me to rest. But hopefully I am on the upswing. Here's the piece, the colors in this one are very hard to photograph.  The main stones are a beautiful combination of a rust rose, tan, beige and grey.  I used complimentary smaller beads and added some gun metal and silver to complete this necklace.

At the beginning of March I am attending a jewelry making conference in Houston where I will be attending a bunch of workshops to expand my repertoire. I am really looking forward to it.  I love learning new things.  My mom is sending me to the conference as a birthday gift.  I hope to sell a few pieces before then because I need to purchase a bunch of supplies for these classes, and I just don't have the funds right now.  I will admit I am a little anxious about being in a large class with people I don't know.  My anxiety disorder rears its head on these occasions.  I never used to be anxious in these type of situations,  I rode the subway and/or bus everyday to and from school as a teen, public transportation in New York City, and I did just fine for the most part.  I think I do better when I don't have to interact with the individuals around me vs. an expectation of cordiality.  It seems like new situations and new people have me more and more anxious the older I get.  When I have a panic attack (aside from the dread, the sweating and the racing heart and thoughts) it goes to my intestines and bowls.  There is no feeling more humiliating and terrifying than having a panic attack and not knowing if you are going to get to a bathroom on time.  That intense reaction started after the abuse. I went to numerous doctors over the years and IBS was finally diagnosed, but having a name for it doesn't make it any better.  My daily meds keep it basically in check, but I am thankful that I can take Valium when needed.

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Images and jewelry designs may not be reproduced, copied, duplicated, printed or otherwise used without the expressed written consent of Body Electric Jewelry or agents. All photos, text and designs are the property of Body Electric Jewelry. Photos may be used for personal enjoyment or archive purposes but photos, text and jewelry designs may not be used in any manner for financial gain or commerce by anyone other than Body Electric Jewelry.

My Texas White Christmas

What a crazy Christmas its been!  I wanted a white Christmas and I got what I was asking for.  Most of the family couldnt even make it in today because of the snow. We opened gifts, ate a nice meal and watched holiday movies all day. I got the cutest pair of dolls - a Lucy and Ricki Ricardo 60th Anniversary Barbie pair.  I love Lucy and this will make a great addition to my small but growing collection.

Sitting around all day seems to be more tiring than keeping busy.  Its my fault though because I forgot most of my beading materials and my Nook at home.  The dogs wore their holiday regalia.  Heres a funny and blurry pic the dogs and I. 

I have to admit that I am looking forward to the holiday season coming to a close so that we can return to whatever we like to call normal.  I have been so lax in adding new listings to Etsy and blogging.  I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  My middle son got arrested again two weeks ago for smoking pot (still illegal here in TX), my youngest son faked being sick so he could spend his Christmas day in front of his new television set, and my wife who had quit smoking started up again and tried to hide it from me.  Kinda feel like I'm falling apart at the seams.

Overall its been a nice holiday.  Although there is stress, I know that so many others have it worse - and at least I get to face it medicated!

Too Much to Process

Between the sadness I feel about all those lives lost in Newtown, the holidays approaching, the darkness of evening starting so early, the busy weekend and our financial struggle I am thoroughly exhausted.  I don't know how to move forward after the tragedy in Newtown.  I can not wrap my head around the depth of sadness. Worrying about your children while they are in school is absolutely unnerving.  Is there any way we can ensure that ALL our children are getting the attention and care they need?  That someone in their lives knows when something is wrong and does something about it?  As parents we have that responsibility - to really know our children, as educators we have a similar responsibility - to know our students, as religious leaders we must be in touch with our congregants... as human beings we must wake up and pay attention to all living things around us. We must care, we must empathize and we must help.

The last of the Christmas presents.

I wrapped the remainder of our gifts this morning. Fiona sat on the desk right beside me while I was wrapping.  Her company is comfort for me - I think she knows I am emotionally exhausted. I wish I could give something comforting to the families of all the victims.  I think they must feel that life lacks meaning right now, and that there is nothing at all that could bring them comfort.  I am so blessed to have all of my children.  Whether or not they believe it, my love for them is unconditional and infinite.  I may not always be the best at showing it or communicating it.  I need to work on that because its important to me that they know it.

Fiona curled up on the desk.

This morning I photographed most of my new pieces but unfortunately the card reader for my camera is in a bag in my partner's car.  I used my phone for a few when the camera battery died, but the majority of the pics are on the SD card and for now that's where they will stay.

While in McKinney I made 3-4 new boot bling because 3 sold, two bracelets and 2 new necklaces.  It was so nice sitting outside, beading, shmoozing with customers and vendors, and being with the one I love.

I am going to hop in the shower and get out of my footy pajamas - we are going to dinner with a friend tonight and I need to get with it.