Running on Empty

Well I am running on about 3.5 hours of sleep today.  I could not shut my brain off last night. I am guessing sheer exhaustion is finally what did me in.  I started sketching for a new painting, I cleaned up my beads (a bit), and I looked at charms for some new theme bracelets I want to make. I even created a list of things to start on and/or do today. I sold another piece today, a set with earrings.  I can hardly believe it, this makes three days in a row!

Between the mood swings and the inability to sleep I think this may be the onset of a hypo manic episode. I know the symptoms, and now I have a support system in place to help me work through it rather than act out.  Struggling through this will be just that a true struggle. In the past, although I struggled miserably, I self medicated in all sorts of unhealthy and dangerous ways.  Now that the joy of creating is back in my life, its one of the positive things I can do to maintain control and happiness.

I made one small piece today: a bracelet. I've been meaning for some time to start making LGBT Pride jewelry.  This is my first attempt.  The emphasis on this piece is certainly the "L" - LOL. I have a few other ideas rambling around inside this over crowded disorganized brain of mine.

Heading to the therapist today which is really good timing under the circumstances. My only reservation is that I have to drive downtown and I am now thoroughly exhausted. I've pumped quite a bit of caffeine into me today - I am thinking the next option might be sugar (although I've had my share of that too today). I absolutely abhor the taste of energy drinks so that is out of the question.  I'll figure something out because I really want this to be a productive therapy session.

We are having a very small get together at our place on Sunday for the Super Bowl.  Actually its more about people coming over to eat and laugh at the commercials, but nevertheless its an excuse to cook yummy finger foods and drink beer. I am going to work on the menu tonight, and get started shopping and cooking first thing Saturday (after some nice morning cuddle time with my wife). If anyone has a really good Super Bowl recipe they want to share - I'll include it in our Sunday fun.

I lived in Baltimore for almost ten years, so I'll be rooting for the Ravens. This means nothing really because I neither care about nor know anything about the game of football. This doesn't bother me, but it usually makes me the laughing stock at any Super Bowl party.  Since its at our house, maybe I wont get laughed at quite so much.

Please send me happy good nights' sleep thoughts. Hopefully I'll have some energy tomorrow.

Today's JET Team love: (This is a gorgeous pendant!)

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Baby Nathan & Baking

Today I am going to bake some twinkie cupcakes with strawberry frosting and bring them over to our friends' house.  I will take pictures of the finished product and let you know how the recipe goes.  I am so excited to see the baby I can hardly stand it.  I made my friend a bracelet for her to remember these first few weeks with her little one.  Here's a pic:

Gotta head to the store for some last minute ingredients.  I am going to make every effort to not think about the case today, and just enjoy time with my wife, our friends, and that adorable baby boy.  I also painted a onesie for him in preparation for Valentine's Day.  I hope it fits in February.

OK - the recipe I used for the cupcakes was a bit painstaking.  I hope it pays off.  They are filled with a vanilla creme like a twinkie and then I frosted them with strawberry frosting and decorated with a fresh strawberry on top.  I used the recipe you can find by clicking this link: Make Your Own Twinkie Cupcakes.  Here's a pic of what they look like - I hope they taste as good as they look!

We watched a cool movie last night:  Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio (who I am not a huge fan of).  It was really good.  Keeps you on your toes and thinking - the kind of movie you could watch a few times and pick up new details with each viewing.  I want to go see The Hobbit tomorrow.

Need to head into the shower and get dressed. I am literally covered with powdered sugar - LOL!  Here we come baby Nathan!

Getting Current & Solidifying Bonds

Today I finally caught up on posting the new items I've created.  I have a few left, but this listing marathon was long overdue.  All the boot bling is listed, including my new pieces for little girls.  The charm bracelets have been listed too.  It was a lot of work today but I am so glad its mostly finished.  I am very psyched as I used some of my holiday money to buy a new pair of cowboy boots.  My youngest daughter did too, and I can't wait to wear them out somewhere.  I used one of them today to photo a new piece of boot bling.

Here's my new boot with the new bling!

Now that most of the jewelry has been listed I hope I can use my time to be creative.  On the top of my list for this weekend however is seeing Les Miserables. The storm prevented us for seeing it the day after Christmas, so we are going to wait and have a nice dinner and movie date this weekend. Its been awhile since we've had a "date" and we are in serious need of some "us" time.  This whole smoking thing has me so upset - more because she lied to me and covered up her behavior than the actual smoking.  I desperately want her to quit, but more than that I want her to be able to be honest with me.  For a fleeting moment I thought about some kind of tit for tat, but it was fleeting - and my calm, rational side reminded me that two wrongs don't make a right. I just want us to be able to talk openly and honestly so that we grow closer.

My youngest daughter walked to Target for me today and just generally helped me out while I plugged along with photography, listings and marketing.  It was really nice having some company today while I did my work.  We really didn't say much to each other, but just the presence was nice.

I am not looking forward to taking down our tree.  It usually makes me cry. Getting it up is a hassle, but taking it down is just depressing.  I am tired now, but I did get a lot done today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be as productive.

Dreidels and Diversity

I am not your typical Texan. Here in the bible belt being a mentally ill, Jewish, lesbian, adoptee engaged to a Southern Baptist has its draw backs.  If I were not Caucasian, the state might just spit me out entirely.  That being said, I intend to create some jewelry that reflects who I am.  Now I am no girly girl, and I really don't like bling, but in the spirit of enterprise I created this Hanukkah charm bracelet.

I intend to make some Hanukkah pieces that are more my style, and maybe some gay pride jewelry too.  We celebrate Hanaristmas at our house and its a lot of fun since we light menorot and we have a beautiful tree (which has some Hannukah ornaments on it) as well.  Each night of Hanukkah we light our menorot and the kids pick a present from under the tree - LOL.  I make latkes and if we are so inclined we will play a game of dreidel.  We celebrate Christmas with my partner's family and my birth family.

This may all sound very confusing to you, but it works for us and the holidays are a special time for me.  I was raised Jewish and as a child I was jealous of all the kids who had Christmas trees at home.  Being Jewish is a part of who I am.  I was just jealous of the pretty tree.  Now I have the best of both worlds in our home.

This week being Thanksgiving, we decided that we are going to stay home and have our own dinner with friends since the kids will not be with us.  It will be fun and highly diverse - our friends who are agnostic and atheist and expecting a baby any day now, their brother, my partner, myself and possibly four dogs.  Wish we could invite some Asian, African American and Hispanic folks to our table.  I guess my love of diversity is the New Yorker in me.

Everyday is a new day - today my meds are making me very drowsy.  I figure its the meds because I slept well.  I think I am coming out of my depressive state and moving into a mixed state right now. What will "normal" look like for me?  Where will I be after staying on medication for a long time and remaining in therapy?  I know the answer to that will only come with time.

Being the cook in the house I am off to shop for my eclectic Thanksgiving meal. Thanks for reading and I'd love any comments.

The Car, The Curb & The Cure

I guess the wrong Gods were listening when I mentioned yesterday that I didn't want to go to therapy.  Of course the remedy for this desire just caused an entirely new problem.  My partner called me at 5:45 yesterday afternoon only to tell me that her car wouldn't start and I needed to come get her. Another added and unexpected expense. Oh well, it happens to everyone and we just need to work our way through it. Maybe its just the battery? We can only hope. Bah humbug to the Car Gods!

Today I decided to make a bracelet since I never make bracelets.  I really don't know why I don't, I guess i just really enjoy necklaces. The piece I made today kinda brought the bling together with the natural. LOL.  I like it, even though I am not a bling person in the least.

To top things all off, on my way to check the mail (hoping for some new supplies I ordered) I came down off of the curb wrong, twisted my ankle and then fell to my hands and knees.  This would not be so bad if I didn't already have arthritis in all those places!  So needless to say, I am hurting all over today and hoping our car repair doesn't break our bank.

I love creating new things.  I may still have another piece in me today, but I am resting all my joints for a little while and thought it would be a good time to blog.

When I fell, it was just for a moment that I felt completely alone.  There was no one on our street and I was in pain, laying there hoping that I could manage to make it to my feet and hobble home. Of course I did, and when I opened the door my basset hound Fred (who likely heard me yelp in pain) was at the door eagerly awaiting my return.  It felt good to have him right there when I got back.  He hasn't left my side since.  Dogs are such amazing beings.  We have two; Fred (the basset) and Harley (the standard daschund/chow?/corgi???).  They both like to lie right near me while I bead which also helps with my anxiety.  I am beginning to think I need a little dog to carry around and keep the anxiety at bay when the two big ones can't be with me. LOL!

Fred and Harley resting while I bead.

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