Running on Empty

Well I am running on about 3.5 hours of sleep today.  I could not shut my brain off last night. I am guessing sheer exhaustion is finally what did me in.  I started sketching for a new painting, I cleaned up my beads (a bit), and I looked at charms for some new theme bracelets I want to make. I even created a list of things to start on and/or do today. I sold another piece today, a set with earrings.  I can hardly believe it, this makes three days in a row!

Between the mood swings and the inability to sleep I think this may be the onset of a hypo manic episode. I know the symptoms, and now I have a support system in place to help me work through it rather than act out.  Struggling through this will be just that a true struggle. In the past, although I struggled miserably, I self medicated in all sorts of unhealthy and dangerous ways.  Now that the joy of creating is back in my life, its one of the positive things I can do to maintain control and happiness.

I made one small piece today: a bracelet. I've been meaning for some time to start making LGBT Pride jewelry.  This is my first attempt.  The emphasis on this piece is certainly the "L" - LOL. I have a few other ideas rambling around inside this over crowded disorganized brain of mine.

Heading to the therapist today which is really good timing under the circumstances. My only reservation is that I have to drive downtown and I am now thoroughly exhausted. I've pumped quite a bit of caffeine into me today - I am thinking the next option might be sugar (although I've had my share of that too today). I absolutely abhor the taste of energy drinks so that is out of the question.  I'll figure something out because I really want this to be a productive therapy session.

We are having a very small get together at our place on Sunday for the Super Bowl.  Actually its more about people coming over to eat and laugh at the commercials, but nevertheless its an excuse to cook yummy finger foods and drink beer. I am going to work on the menu tonight, and get started shopping and cooking first thing Saturday (after some nice morning cuddle time with my wife). If anyone has a really good Super Bowl recipe they want to share - I'll include it in our Sunday fun.

I lived in Baltimore for almost ten years, so I'll be rooting for the Ravens. This means nothing really because I neither care about nor know anything about the game of football. This doesn't bother me, but it usually makes me the laughing stock at any Super Bowl party.  Since its at our house, maybe I wont get laughed at quite so much.

Please send me happy good nights' sleep thoughts. Hopefully I'll have some energy tomorrow.

Today's JET Team love: (This is a gorgeous pendant!)

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Just Keep Rolling...

No better time than the present to blog for today.  I am sitting in the car, in bumper to bumper traffic headed toward Quanah with stops in Bowie and Wichita Falls along the way.  My phone works as a hotspot which is nice under these circumstances. 

Today was busier than yesterday and never got the chance to upload my new boot jewelry to my Etsy store.  I miraculously packed the jeep and fit everything in the back - well maybe not everything, I decided not to take the furniture and the artwork both to save space, and to focus on my jewelry.  I drove the kids to school, created two new boot bling, spray painted a candelabra I use to display my necklaces, took a shower (yes when you are struggling with anxiety and depression even this is an accomplishment),  priced and labeled my two new pieces, took photos of the pieces for Etsy, packed our clothes for the weekend, organized my meds for the weekend, loaded the back of the jeep, put all the stuff together for the dogs to travel, got the dogs in the car, picked up both kids from school, realized I forgot the cashbox so drove back to the house, then turned around and drove to pick my parter up from work.  If you live in this area, and/or if you know me personally, you know just how much driving this really is.  I went from Rowlett to Allen to Richardson, back to Rowlett, then back to Richardson, then Allen, then back to Rowlett then to Carrollton.  Now, after all of that, we are driving to Quanah which is roughly a five and a half hour drive.  I'm pretty much done with the inside of a car.

In the car on one of the many excursions

The kids and the dogs have finally settled in.  My partner is talking on the phone to a co-worker and I am blogging.  It will be about midnight when we finally pull in to Quanah.  I am thinking sleep will come easily tonight. 

Boot Bling & Basketball

Today was a very busy day and now I can't sleep so I'm blogging.  I created a few new pieces today but had no time to upload them onto my Etsy shop.  I'm making a bunch of boot bling in anticipation of my local North Texas shows since it seems that these seem to be selling rather well.  Here's a preview of what I will be adding to the shop ASAP.

Took my new meds too late last night and then couldn't wake up till around 10 o'clock this morning. I somehow need to remember to take my evening pills around 9:15 9:30 so that I have a morning the next day. Even though I took my meds late again I have to wake up tomorrow because the kids are here and I need to get them to school.  We watched my youngest play basketball this evening with her middle school team.  She scored 11 points and her team won - overall a pretty good evening for her with the exception of one play which had us all laughing so hard we almost fell off the bleachers.  It's hard to describe really other than to say that her team mate attempted to pass her the ball, she was unaware of the pass and once cognizant managed to miss it entirely as it flew directly over her landing just out of reach.  On paper - not so funny.  But trust me if you had been there you'd have been laughing.

My anxiety makes it difficult to attend team sports.  It's even more difficult when one of my children is playing.  I get so into it.  When the ref makes calls I'm not happy with, or our team screws up I get very worked up.  The let down if we lose is difficult too.  I just feel things more intensely than the average person and although at times it can be good, most of the time it sucks.

Saturday is our Quanah show.  We have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow evening.  Why have a show in a bitty town like Quanah you might ask?  Well, my parter's family lives there, that is where she grew up.  I do Bowie Trade Days for a similar reason, my mom lives there.  I enjoy doing the shows even though the sales have not been good.  I have faith that some day this will turn around and my jewelry will start selling at shows.  Wish us luck.

Cowgirls and Cocktails

Funny really that its the boot bling thats selling.  I'm not complaining, its just funny. In response I've made more to replenish the three that have sold.   Here are pics of the two recently created pieces I added to my Etsy store.  I guess I find it funny because I rarely wear boots, I am a New Yorker and in no way a cowgirl.  But they are fun to make and boot wearers love em'.

Check it out at my Etsy Store

Check it out at my Etsy Store

Hypoturkeymania

"My Love"
Etsy Listing

Another racing mind sleepless night.  Slept roughly 3 hours last night, but on the up side I created a beautiful piece that will be hard to part with once it sells.  Its funny how this came to be.  I started off wanting to sculpt two women in an embrace.  I created one polymer clay female, and no matter what I did the second one was too large to really look like a woman, so I decided to turn it into a man.  So, for all my heterosexual friends out there, here is my new piece called: "My Love".  I intend to do a series of these, and will have one with two women and one with two men.

I am fairly certain I am in a mild hypomania.  The only good thing about this is that I will be able to get all of Thanksgiving taken care of with one hand tied behind my back.  A mild hypomanic state can be a blessing - it lifts the fog and jump starts my motivation.  I can't maintain too many days with little sleep. After a few days I usually crash and then it starts all over again.  If the past is any indication, this will only last for a few weeks.

Doubt I'll get to bead or blog tomorrow, but I guess taking a day off is a good thing.  Looking forward to some time with friends and some good traditional Thanksgiving food. I am making a turkey and all the fixins'.  Our friends are bringing a pumpkin cheesecake, and probably some wine.  It should be really nice.

I always wanted my house to be the place everyone came for the holidays.  No matter what I do it doesn't seem to work that way.  Maybe once all the kids are grown they will come home for the holidays, and the house will be packed.  I can only hope.  Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving, and please send your good vibes and/or prayers to the innocent civilians in the Middle East (we have a lot to be thankful for here in the United States).

Use coupon code BLOGGER20 and receive 20% of your purchase from my Etsy store on Black Friday!

The Jewish Ham

"Sea & Sand"
https://www.etsy.com/listing/115636208/
handmade-turquoise-and-gold-toned-beaded

Took a while to fall asleep again last night, but my racing thoughts produced a pretty necklace this morning.  I wasn't up late beading, but I did remember what I was thinking as I fell asleep, and created this piece that reminds me of the sea and the sand.

On a funny note - and with a nod to yesterday's blog, this good Jewish girl from NYC cooked a ham last night for my partner's Thanksgiving meal at work.  I did this last year as well and apparently the "Jewish Ham" was requested again this year.

I am not a huge fan of ham, if I am going to be bad and eat pork, its going to be bacon.  When I kept kosher, bacon was  absolutely the hardest to give up.  I think the smell of cooking bacon might be powerful enough to raise me from the dead.

So, with all our Thanksgiving food stuffed into our refrigerator I cooked a ham.  We had to put it into a cooler full of ice last night since there was just no room left in the fridge.  It still feels kinda funny cooking a ham, eating bacon, etc., but not bad or guilty funny, just strange.  Maybe there is a part of me that feels bad and guilty, but obviously not a big enough part to change my behavior.

I think I still have one more piece in me today - at least I came up with one more while I was lying there hoping to fall asleep.  There is still the housework and the cooking as well, but I need to create the things that my imagination dreams up before I have a senior moment and forget them!

Babies, Business and Being Calm

Did the baby shower thing today.  We’ve been to two in the last two weeks.  Everyone is pregnant at my partner’s work place, and it seems like each and every one of them is having a boy.  I honestly thought my baby shower years were over and done with.  I’m going to be 43 and most of my friends have already had their brood.  I have five, and I am certainly done with reproduction.  Every baby shower holds the same activities for its participants.  I can honestly say I am not interested in wrapping another streamer around anyone else’s pregnant belly.  My time is usually spent assuaging the expectant mother’s fears of labor, delivery and nursing.  My physique on the other hand does not leave them with much post-partum hope.

Currently we are on our way to Wichita Falls, “City Lights” parade.  We haven’t even celebrated Thanksgiving, and we are basically celebrating Christmas.  Attendance at this parade is an annual tradition for my partner’s family.  So we are driving three hours to stand in the cold and watch people walk or ride down the street throwing candy at kids.  I am wearing one of my new pieces – marketing, marketing, marketing.  And I am carrying my business cards just in case someone notices.  Someone did notice earlier at the baby shower so I am hoping for a new customer soon.

 

I drive a red mini cooper (whom I fondly named Maxine – I enjoy irony.) I love my car – we zip around town together getting all sorts of compliments.  I need to get a “Born to Bead” license plate cover and we will be the perfect pair. My partner is driving now and I feel nice and relaxed.  The weekends are better for my anxiety and depression – not being home alone helps tremendously.  Beads and dogs are great but they seriously lack conversational skills. 

 

Christmas Before Thanksgiving

Won’t be able to bead today (unless of course I can’t sleep again).  I miss the creative process when I cannot engage in it.  But today is about business promotion.  Gave a card out at the shower, and maybe I can hand one more out today (if I don’t freeze to death). Gonna spend some quality time with the woman I love and with family. Weekends are always too short.

My nephew is on this float somewhere - with his cub scout troup.

The Good, The Bad & The Beautiful

The good news is that it was only the battery! Yay!!  The bad news is that I am still hurting and can now add exhaustion to the list. I couldn't sleep last night and was up till almost three a.m. beading.  I decided to bead after spending about an hour tossing and turning - and thinking about beading.  My bipolar disorder has me tending toward racing thoughts.  This can be incredibly difficult if it occurs when you are trying to sleep.  My mind was moving so fast, beads were flying, Thanksgiving dinner was spinning, the marketing of my jewelry was knocking on the door, and the ever present and ignored housework was screaming in my left ear.

Thanksgiving has to be my favorite holiday. We don't have the kids this year which is both a relief and depressing at the same time.  We are having some friends over which I am excited about - I love having company at the house and preparing a nice meal.

Here is the necklace and earrings I created in the wee hours of the morning.  No bling this time, but beautiful.  Back to my more earthy and natural expressions.  I took this photo in the front yard and honestly its getting pretty cold.  I don't know how much longer I will be able to take these pretty outdoor photos of my jewelry.

I sincerely hope this lack of sleep is not a prerequisite to a hypomanic stage.  I just don't know.  I think if it were however, I would just keep going and going and I'd be far happier - LOL.  I don't know if I can keep going today - I'm absolutely pooped!

When I check the mail today I am seriously considering driving the 40 feet or so to the mailbox.  I just don't trust myself (with good reason). I already have a metal plate in one ankle.  I don't feel the need to even myself out.  I certainly was not blessed with gracefulness and agility. Good fine motor coordination, its the gross motor that is severely lacking.

It is quite obvious from this paragraph structure that my mind is still jumping around all over the place.  I am going to try and rest for a while and refuel.

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Etsy: My Etsy Shop

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