Purple Polymer Clay and Me

Today I have been so busy - which is good when you have severe anxiety.  I have almost been too busy to be distressed.  I try very hard to keep myself busy for this very reason, but sometimes a bout of depression makes it very difficult to stay motivated.  I completed a piece today that maybe no one will buy, but it was fun and I let my imagination have a good time with it.

My favorite color is purple, so I decided to play with some purple polymer clay and see what happened.  This is what I got.

Now that the piece is finished and promoted on Etsy, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, I thought it would be a good time to blog.  I have therapy tonight and I absolutely do not want to go.  I don't really know why I don't want to, I just don't.  I think part of it is I feel like I am spinning my wheels.  I take my meds (a whole lot of em'), and I use as many coping skills as I can to function daily - sometimes its not enough and I still don't really show up in my own life.  I know I am fighting a depression right now and this has made it difficult to function in general. I feel like I am constantly fighting an uphill battle.

I feel guilty too because I can spend a few functional hours doing something I love, like designing jewelry, drawing, painting etc., but then when I am asked to do simple things at home like a load of laundry or a sink of dishes I can't seem to get my act together.  Sometimes I really miss the old me, the unmedicated me who although I was hypomanic most of the time, could do SO much in a day and do it well; and then continue to do it day after day.

My kids come to our house tomorrow.  This is always a challenge as I want so desperately to be engaged with them, yet the two who are still at home are both teens and want nothing more than to be unengaged and independent.  Teens are not much fun.  

In the beginning...

It may be odd to blog about making jewelry, or the creative process, but its so much more for me than that.  I started making jewelry a number of years ago and found it to be both a very relaxing endeavor and something to occupy my mind and use my creative skills.  As the years progressed friends and family thought I should sell my work. I've decided to give it a try and it's very validating to have complete strangers tell you they think your work is beautiful.

Jewelry making was a hobby at first, an outlet for me.  It has truly become a life saving venture.  I suffer from bi-polar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder all of which have put me on disability and have made it nearly impossible to work in a standard setting.  I worked for many years. Even staying diligently on all of my medications, my anxiety in particular has become debilitating. Sitting calmly with my beads focuses me, and even if only for a brief time I am relaxed.  

I take a lot of time with each piece I create.  I enjoy working with many media.  In addition to creating jewelry, I paint, draw and sing.  Every day I try to make the time to do something creative. Today for instance I created a piece that I probably wouldn't wear, but my family and friends have asked repeatedly that I try to create things with a bit more "bling".  So on occasion I work with sparkly things.  Here is a picture of what I created today:

In order to promote my work, I have created an Etsy Store, a Facebook page, I have been "pinning" some of my items on Pinterest and Tweeting.  It takes a lot of effort to get my work out there but my partner helps me as much as she can.

Even medicated and in therapy its so hard controlling my behaviors and emotions.  I struggle every day and there are many days I get very tired of the struggle.  The creative outlets are so important as they bring value to being and hopefully some beauty into the world.

Each day I will try and blog about my creations, my daily struggles and my coping mechanisms.  Maybe someone will be interested in reading this crazy lady's blog. LOL

Here are my various links:
Etsy: My Etsy Shop
Facebook: Facebook Page
Twitter: Twitter Profile
Pinterest: Pinterest Profile