Today I have been so busy - which is good when you have severe anxiety. I have almost been too busy to be distressed. I try very hard to keep myself busy for this very reason, but sometimes a bout of depression makes it very difficult to stay motivated. I completed a piece today that maybe no one will buy, but it was fun and I let my imagination have a good time with it.
My favorite color is purple, so I decided to play with some purple polymer clay and see what happened. This is what I got.
Now that the piece is finished and promoted on Etsy, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, I thought it would be a good time to blog. I have therapy tonight and I absolutely do not want to go. I don't really know why I don't want to, I just don't. I think part of it is I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I take my meds (a whole lot of em'), and I use as many coping skills as I can to function daily - sometimes its not enough and I still don't really show up in my own life. I know I am fighting a depression right now and this has made it difficult to function in general. I feel like I am constantly fighting an uphill battle.
I feel guilty too because I can spend a few functional hours doing something I love, like designing jewelry, drawing, painting etc., but then when I am asked to do simple things at home like a load of laundry or a sink of dishes I can't seem to get my act together. Sometimes I really miss the old me, the unmedicated me who although I was hypomanic most of the time, could do SO much in a day and do it well; and then continue to do it day after day.
My kids come to our house tomorrow. This is always a challenge as I want so desperately to be engaged with them, yet the two who are still at home are both teens and want nothing more than to be unengaged and independent. Teens are not much fun.
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