A View From A Walgreens Parking Lot

Well this evening has been an experience. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are staying in a hotel about an hour from our house to see some family. My sister-in-law is sick, and for reasons I apparently will never understand, my wife is the only one capable of getting her the care she needs. So we drove out to the hotel (we didn't have accurate directions to), assessed the situation and all drove to the CareNow.

I had Fiona with me, and the temperatures outside were dropping quickly so she and I had to wait in the truck. We waited about 2 hours and it was determined that she not only had the flu, but had a nasty bout of bronchitis to boot!

Fiona and I cuddled up in the truck.

Now don't get me wrong I feel for her I do. It sucks being sick. I'm just not sure why my wife is the only individual capable of determining her need for a doctor visit, getting her to the doctor, filling the prescriptions and generally being the caretaker. Oh and we are currently waiting for the prescriptions (due to be ready in an hour and a half!). I love my sister-in-law I do, she's the only sister I've ever really had, but this escapade was entirely ridiculous. What would they have done if they had been in New Mexico and not an hour away? I am really glad she got taken care of and will start feeling better soon.

On the positive side it gave me the time to blog and we saw Les Miserables today. The movie was fantastic - I seriously think some emmys are in order for those performances. We were crying at the end, but laughed at how all the women in the audience were bawling and all the men kept getting up and down refilling snacks and taking bathroom breaks. I hope tomorrow I will have sometime to be creative and maybe get some stuff done around the house. I have a tickle in my throat, but I think it's from all the crazy sinus drainage. I just better not be getting sick - LOL!

Opportunities Abound

Finished posting the last of the pieces today.  Still haven't had a moment to create anything new.  Took the kids back to their dad and dropped off my prescription. I guess over all I've been productive; productive just not creative. Here are the two boot bling pieces I listed today:

World Religions Boot Bling

Today is very cold here and it seems that winter just came on with a vengeance. We made a fire last night which was nice and it warmed the living room well. Another fire might be in order this evening.

Blingy Cross

An interesting opportunity may have presented itself to me.  After more than 20 years I might have the ability to pursue legal action against the man who sexually molested me when I was a young teen.  This opportunity has arisen before and although I attempted to pursue it, it was to no avail.  I don't know if this would bring closure, or just force me to reexamine painful emotions.  My wife and I discussed it, and she thinks I should pursue it after talking to our therapist about it.  I have a good support system now and possibly my doctor has found the best medication cocktail for me.  I intend to speak with my therapist about it, I hope maybe he can help me process this possibility.  I can't begin to describe the events surrounding that nightmare. Its unbelievable that I am still afraid of this man - I'm 43 years old and still feel like a child when those feelings come back.

That turn of events placed me on a path so different from what might have been.  I try hard not to look back with any regrets, because I wouldn't be the person I am today under different circumstances.  I might be better off, but it could also be a lot worse.  Some day I will blog about it all, but for now I'm content with it not rearing its ugly head.

Another interesting opportunity may be presenting itself as well, this time for my wife.  A better job offer is impending and we are waiting eagerly to hear - as this could mean a major upheaval for our household.  This opportunity would be a mixed blessing as we would have to sell our home and move, but we would be closer to both our families and she would be in a less stressful environment.

Any positive thoughts you could send our way would be greatly appreciated given the possibility of some major life events coming in the new year.

Getting Current & Solidifying Bonds

Today I finally caught up on posting the new items I've created.  I have a few left, but this listing marathon was long overdue.  All the boot bling is listed, including my new pieces for little girls.  The charm bracelets have been listed too.  It was a lot of work today but I am so glad its mostly finished.  I am very psyched as I used some of my holiday money to buy a new pair of cowboy boots.  My youngest daughter did too, and I can't wait to wear them out somewhere.  I used one of them today to photo a new piece of boot bling.

Here's my new boot with the new bling!

Now that most of the jewelry has been listed I hope I can use my time to be creative.  On the top of my list for this weekend however is seeing Les Miserables. The storm prevented us for seeing it the day after Christmas, so we are going to wait and have a nice dinner and movie date this weekend. Its been awhile since we've had a "date" and we are in serious need of some "us" time.  This whole smoking thing has me so upset - more because she lied to me and covered up her behavior than the actual smoking.  I desperately want her to quit, but more than that I want her to be able to be honest with me.  For a fleeting moment I thought about some kind of tit for tat, but it was fleeting - and my calm, rational side reminded me that two wrongs don't make a right. I just want us to be able to talk openly and honestly so that we grow closer.

My youngest daughter walked to Target for me today and just generally helped me out while I plugged along with photography, listings and marketing.  It was really nice having some company today while I did my work.  We really didn't say much to each other, but just the presence was nice.

I am not looking forward to taking down our tree.  It usually makes me cry. Getting it up is a hassle, but taking it down is just depressing.  I am tired now, but I did get a lot done today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be as productive.

My Texas White Christmas

What a crazy Christmas its been!  I wanted a white Christmas and I got what I was asking for.  Most of the family couldnt even make it in today because of the snow. We opened gifts, ate a nice meal and watched holiday movies all day. I got the cutest pair of dolls - a Lucy and Ricki Ricardo 60th Anniversary Barbie pair.  I love Lucy and this will make a great addition to my small but growing collection.

Sitting around all day seems to be more tiring than keeping busy.  Its my fault though because I forgot most of my beading materials and my Nook at home.  The dogs wore their holiday regalia.  Heres a funny and blurry pic the dogs and I. 

I have to admit that I am looking forward to the holiday season coming to a close so that we can return to whatever we like to call normal.  I have been so lax in adding new listings to Etsy and blogging.  I am physically and emotionally exhausted.  My middle son got arrested again two weeks ago for smoking pot (still illegal here in TX), my youngest son faked being sick so he could spend his Christmas day in front of his new television set, and my wife who had quit smoking started up again and tried to hide it from me.  Kinda feel like I'm falling apart at the seams.

Overall its been a nice holiday.  Although there is stress, I know that so many others have it worse - and at least I get to face it medicated!

Fiona the Service Chihuahua?

Last night a big storm passed through - it didn't last long, but it blew our Christmas lights off the roof of the house and scared the bejeebers out of the dogs.  I wrapped more gifts last night (I only thought I was done the other day - LOL) and worked on the photos I took of my new pieces.  I am starting to come out of the sadness fog, but for now its still there in the back of my mind.  I push it there so that it isn't all consuming.  I bead, I write, I wrap... it works for me.

I am looking forward to Christmas - my wife will be off Saturday through Wednesday.  We are doing Christmas in Quanah (which might wind up being a white one), and then we'll go see Les Misérables. I also want to see The Hobbit during the break.  I am not a huge movie buff, but those stories are two of my favorite.  I saw Les Mis on Broadway more times than I can count and we just saw it here at Bass Hall in Fort Worth.

My anxiety has been going up as my depression about Newtown has continued.  I am seriously considering having Fiona be my service animal.  I know my psychiatrist would approve it as she significantly reduces my anxiety and would prevent me from behaving improperly when I'm manic.  Taking her with me when I go places is nice and having to think about her at all times reduces my racing thoughts about other things.

Tonight we will be watching our youngest play basketball at her middle school.  This is always nerve wracking for me, but she loves when we come to watch.  I will not lock myself out of the house tonight.  What a sorry excuse that would be for missing your kid's basketball game!

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Stupid is as Stupid Does

I locked myself out of the house. Here I sit waiting to be rescued. Poor Fiona is inside crying for me because somehow she knows I'm stuck out here. Thankfully I'm in a chair and the porch light is on.

We finished our outside decorations early this year only to have a portion of them destroyed by some local thugs. I am fairly certain the perpetrators are homophobic anti-Semites. No other decorated house on our block was touched, just the house where they gay Jew lives. Our adorable Snoopy blow up was slashed and all of our candy canes were uprooted and strewn around the yard.

We are going to eat at the one kosher restaurant in Dallas, Natalie's Kitchen. They absolutely make the best falafel you will ever eat. We love to joke around with the waitress and I like to practice my Hebrew language skills with her. Eating there is always more than just a culinary adventure. We relax, laugh and have a ton of fun while eating some great food. Tonight my goal is to confirm the waitresses name. With any luck I will successfully ask her what it is in Hebrew.

It's funny blogging on your iPhone. At least it's really nice out because if I was in any way cold, this blog would be one long bitching session!

My wife is almost here - thank goodness! I'lll discuss my success with conversational Hebrew in tomorrow's posting. Wish me luck!

Too Much to Process

Between the sadness I feel about all those lives lost in Newtown, the holidays approaching, the darkness of evening starting so early, the busy weekend and our financial struggle I am thoroughly exhausted.  I don't know how to move forward after the tragedy in Newtown.  I can not wrap my head around the depth of sadness. Worrying about your children while they are in school is absolutely unnerving.  Is there any way we can ensure that ALL our children are getting the attention and care they need?  That someone in their lives knows when something is wrong and does something about it?  As parents we have that responsibility - to really know our children, as educators we have a similar responsibility - to know our students, as religious leaders we must be in touch with our congregants... as human beings we must wake up and pay attention to all living things around us. We must care, we must empathize and we must help.

The last of the Christmas presents.

I wrapped the remainder of our gifts this morning. Fiona sat on the desk right beside me while I was wrapping.  Her company is comfort for me - I think she knows I am emotionally exhausted. I wish I could give something comforting to the families of all the victims.  I think they must feel that life lacks meaning right now, and that there is nothing at all that could bring them comfort.  I am so blessed to have all of my children.  Whether or not they believe it, my love for them is unconditional and infinite.  I may not always be the best at showing it or communicating it.  I need to work on that because its important to me that they know it.

Fiona curled up on the desk.

This morning I photographed most of my new pieces but unfortunately the card reader for my camera is in a bag in my partner's car.  I used my phone for a few when the camera battery died, but the majority of the pics are on the SD card and for now that's where they will stay.

While in McKinney I made 3-4 new boot bling because 3 sold, two bracelets and 2 new necklaces.  It was so nice sitting outside, beading, shmoozing with customers and vendors, and being with the one I love.

I am going to hop in the shower and get out of my footy pajamas - we are going to dinner with a friend tonight and I need to get with it.

From Newtown to McKinney

Given my unique perspective, I would be remiss not to talk about Newtown, Connecticut.  I cried for those children, their parents, the teachers and administrators who lost their lives.  I sobbed really, and could no longer watch the news this weekend.  It was only today that I was able to turn on the television again.  The faces of the children tear me to pieces.

As an individual with mental illness, as a parent of a teenager with Aspergers, a 20 year old son and three other children, I have a very unique perspective.  Although I know a diagnosis of Aspergers has no connection with the kind of heinous and vicious crime committed, one gets scared.  As a parent of a 20 year old, I am acutely aware that he truly has only just begun to mature into adulthood.  I am also baffled by the strength of these families.  I don't think I could go on.  It's cliche to mention that parents should never have to bury their children, but it is a basic truth.  Although my kids are mostly grown, I remember each of their first days as kindergardeners like it was yesterday.  School should be a safe place - how can we send our kids to school each day without some sense of security? I don't know the answer to this.

If you read my blog you know that I suffer from bipolar disorder, severe anxiety disorder, OCD and borderline personality disorder.  Although I have had many a manic episode and certainly many depressive ones, I am still at a complete loss as to how someone could gun down innocent children.  I understand being in so much emotional pain that you want to take your own life - a place where you feel hopeless and helpless, I've been there.  How do  you move from that feeling to a desire to hurt others? Not just individuals in your life who may've hurt you or you feel anger toward, but perfect strangers or innocent children? I can't fathom it.  Maybe if you suffer from schizophrenia, hear voices telling you to commit terrible crimes and no longer have the capacity to differentiate between right and wrong, that might be understandable; but if that's the case, then where was the help for this man?  I don't think we will ever understand the motivations, thought processes and lack of empathy of this criminal mind.  I don't know if I want to waste my brain matter thinking about him.

As a Texan, I am horrified to know that we are dead last in dollars spent on mental health care 51st to be exact.  I have had treatment for my illnesses for 10+ years and can tell you first hand how horrible mental health care is here in Texas.  I don't know if it will ever be easy for people to talk about.  It certainly isn't easy for the person who suffers (sometimes in silence).  We are so afraid to tell people about our diagnoses - afraid that they will be afraid, afraid that they will think differently from that point forward, afraid to lose friends, jobs etc.  Maybe someday it will be just as simple as admitting to food allergies, diabetes or high blood pressure, but today a mental health diagnosis is a scarlet letter.

On a happier note, we had a really great weekend at McKinney Trade Days.  Sales were mediocre, but we sold some and handed out a bunch of business cards for potential custom orders.  Fiona had a ton of fun and made best friends with the beef jerky salesman across the way!  The weather was perfect (except for the rain on Friday) -  not what one expects so close to Christmas - 70 and sunny.  I had time to make a few more pieces, particularly more boot bling as three more sold over the weekend.    I did however sell one of my multi-stranded necklaces which brought me a lot of joy.  My mom stopped by and so did our friend with her mom, so in general it was a really nice weekend and we are really perfecting the set up and tear down process with each show.

I want to thank my wife for all her help this weekend; for her love and faith in me and my work.  I also want to thank everyone who stopped by our booth - especially those who purchased something, and those who just mentioned that they thought my jewelry was beautiful.

We all need to send our strength and love to Newtown.  Not only today, but for days, weeks and months to come.  These families are grieving this holiday season - they have lost more than most of us can ever comprehend.

12-12-12 Happy Birthday Nathan!

Friends of ours had a baby today - unfortunately he was born in Houston due to extenuating circumstances and so it will be awhile before we get to meet him.  I am so excited because I love little babies. I cried when I heard that both mommy and baby were healthy, happy, safe and sound.  I am going to have lots of opportunities to baby sit and help them both since they are first time parents - and I did it five times over.  12-12-12, Welcome to the world sweet Nathan!  Can't wait to meet you.

Getting a lot done today and mood is good.  I ran around doing some errands and I created a piece I really like.  There is a list of things that need to get done, but for whatever reason I am a bit less daunted by it than usual.  Fiona accompanied me while dropping the kids at school and on all my errands.  She is a big hit wherever she goes.

The fourth night of Hanukkah came and went.  We had a nice evening with the kids and now we get to redefine Hanukkah with just the two of us.  When they are all grown it will be another new chapter.

The in-laws are coming this weekend along with two of my sister-in-laws and my nephews so that they can ride the Polar Express in Grapevine Mills. We will be busy at McKinney Trade Days but depending on how long they hang around there, we may join them after we break down the booth.

I am struggling with marketing and promotion.  I want to reach more people and grow my business and my community.  I don't have the money for large marketing and advertisement.  Possibly I need to check out my local newspaper, but I wonder just how large the readership is given our propensity toward technology these days.  If anyone reading this blog has any useful ideas, please feel free to comment, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Time to move on to the next thing on my list; housework - yuck! LOL

The Holiday Season

So far I've had more time to be productive today.  My anxiety is fairly low and my mood could be best described as "stable".  Although this new medication (an anti-psychotic) seems to be helping there is a bit of lethargy attached to it.  Got a new piece made and then was able to promote it, and another one I had made some time back.  Here are the new creations:

Tonight is the last night we have the kids this Hanukkah - they go to their dad's tomorrow after school to finish out the holiday with him.  I don't know why its so difficult to celebrate the remainder of the holiday without them, but its always been weird - kinda like Hanukkah is four nights, not eight.  Its been that way for years and you'd think I would be used to it by now, but it never seems to get easier.  At least we get them for Christmas every year since their dad celebrates only Hanukkah.

We are almost done with our Christmas shopping - down to two gifts I think.  I just finished a piece I am giving as a Christmas gift to my sister-in-law.  She is a hair stylist and really enjoys what she does.  She's very into bling and hopefully will absolutely love this.

I am trying to get some pieces ready for our show at McKinney Trade Days. I am looking forward to this fair, and hope the pedestrian traffic is good. The weather is supposed to cooperate and reach the mid to upper sixties both Saturday and Sunday.  It hasn't felt much like the holiday season with our weather being so mild. We've had a few cold days and that dusting of snow, but it still kinda feels like it should be Thanksgiving approaching and not Christmas.

Here's a link to the McKinney Trade Days website/map, our booth is on Herman Drive, spot 114.  McKinney Third Monday Trade Days Map Maybe some of you who read this blog will stop by!
Here are my various links:

Etsy: My Etsy Shop

Facebook: Facebook Page

Twitter: Twitter Profile

Pinterest: Pinterest Profile

Coming or Going?

Today was extremely hectic.  Running around most of the day I just keep waiting for some time to relax and be creative.  Tomorrow's outlook isn't much better either.  My anxiety was kinda high today - probably because I felt like I was in a perpetual state of "go".

I finally got our holiday cards out.  For my friends who celebrate Hanukkah, these cards might show up before the holiday is over - I hope.  Tonight was the third night of Hanukkah and although I only cooked the traditional foods on the first night, we lit the menorot, enjoyed each others' company and ate some yummy spaghetti and meat sauce.

Every time we start saying the blessings over the candles and singing, our basset hound Fred tries to engage our chihuahua Fiona in some play time by barking and wagging his tail at her.  She still has no idea what to do with him and she's still a bit uneasy given the major discrepancy in size between them. Nevertheless its funny to watch him try to play with her.

We woke up this morning to a pretty dusting of snow on things.  And it was COLD.  Generally speaking I am a New Yorker through and through but I have to admit I don't miss the weather.  Its days like this that I am thankful for our general climate here in Texas.  I put Fiona in her coat and her sweater today when we ran around being a teen taxi.  She looked very cute and drew a lot of attention everywhere we went.

I created one necklace today, but didn't have much time to market it.  I like it a lot, hopefully someone else will too.  I think the necklace and earrings make a beautiful Christmas or Hanukkah gift.

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully will allow for some substantial creative time.  For now the high anxiety today has me quite tired so I'm off to sleep.

Here are my various links:

Etsy: My Etsy Shop

Facebook: Facebook Page

Twitter: Twitter Profile

Pinterest: Pinterest Profile

The First Night of Hanukkah

Yesterday was an amazing day all around. We got some necessary stuff done around the house, wrapped some gifts and then snuggled on the couch watching movies we had been wanting to see. BTW I recommend MIB 3 and Brave, they were both a lot of fun. After the movies I got up and prepared a Hanukkah dinner: blintzes and latkes which made both the kids and my partner very happy. We lit the menorot and played a hilarious game of dreidel. My partner, being a southern baptist surprisingly had never played dreidel. We all had a really good time and laughed a lot. The kids opened a present each and seemed happy (but they are teenagers and teenagers are never happy).

It's a rough holiday for us because money is really tight. I'm selling some jewelry, but at this point in my business there really isn't a profit.

Fiona and Fred seem to be getting along fairly well. He so desperately want to play with her but she is still very intimidated by his size.

These are the days I wish would never end. Lots of love, laughter and good food.

Keep Calm and Chihuahua On

We came home from Quanah with an addition to our family. Meet Fiona, a seven month old chihuahua. I've been wanting a little dog to keep me company during the day and our friend is having trouble finding a place to live with her three chihuahuas so it worked out just perfectly.  She's already helping my anxiety.  She's been so sweet and hasn't left my side. I think we enjoy each others company.

It's been a very busy week getting ready for Hanukkah and Christmas too.  Fiona has come with me to stores, to visit my grandparents and on taxi trips for the kids.  I am really enjoying her company and its funny because I have always been a big dog person - somehow she's won my heart.

Because of the busyness of this week, I have only made a few pieces and I am feeling a bit detached from my creativity.   I hope to make some new things today as tomorrow night is the first night of Hanukkah and we haven't quite decided what our day and evening holds.  I will make latkes and maybe we will play dreidel.  Tonight is my partner's office holiday party.  The gathering is being held at Dave & Busters - a place I am not too fond of (I'm really not a video game player nor an arcade fan) but at least the food is good.  

My anxiety is quite a bit better, but I am kind of in a fog.  I am thinking this may get better with time on this new medication.  It's scary really the thought of all the medications and this new one being an anti-psychotic.  I so wish I could be happy and function without medications.  I know this is not likely to ever happen but its the season for miracles, right?

Here are my various links:

Etsy: My Etsy Shop

Facebook: Facebook Page

Twitter: Twitter Profile

Pinterest: Pinterest Profile

Some Small Town Success

I am blogging from my booth in Quanah, TX.  Once again it’s the boot bling that is selling.  I am frustrated because I know its commercialization that sells and not the artistic and creative stuff that I love to do.  I suppose in order to keep enjoying the creative process selling the bling is the way to go. 

My partner and I are both exhausted from the drive and then getting set up and ready around eight o’clock this morning.  Quanah has only one place to get fast food – the Sonic.  So it’ll be cheeseburgers and tater tots for lunch. 

Other than the exhaustion, this has been a good day.  Sold three boot bling and the custom orders I designed picked up as well.  A few people took my card and said they would be contacting me about some other custom orders too.  

I’m starting to revert to infancy – I have to pee, I am hungry and I am sleepy.  Maybe I should have a tantrum?  Probably not the most efficient way to make my needs known.  I intentionally packed up charms and beads so that I could create while I sat here. My stupidity took over and I left all of my tools at home.

My Facebook page hit 200 likes yesterday and to celebrate I am offering free shipping on all the items in my Etsy store for an entire week.  Just use coupon code: FB200 to take advantage of this offer.

Most of the craft show traffic has died down.  There may be another wave closer to the Christmas parade time.  They had a cupcake bake-off and I enjoyed a yellow cup cake with cream cheese frosting and coconut topping.  My anxiety is good today  - this new drug seems to be helping as long as I take it at the right time. 

Day is over and overall I think it went very well. Thanks to all the family and friends who helped with everything: Especially my mother-in-law who really helped to enhance the presentation of my pieces and helped us with set up and tear down.