Just Keep Rolling...

No better time than the present to blog for today.  I am sitting in the car, in bumper to bumper traffic headed toward Quanah with stops in Bowie and Wichita Falls along the way.  My phone works as a hotspot which is nice under these circumstances. 

Today was busier than yesterday and never got the chance to upload my new boot jewelry to my Etsy store.  I miraculously packed the jeep and fit everything in the back - well maybe not everything, I decided not to take the furniture and the artwork both to save space, and to focus on my jewelry.  I drove the kids to school, created two new boot bling, spray painted a candelabra I use to display my necklaces, took a shower (yes when you are struggling with anxiety and depression even this is an accomplishment),  priced and labeled my two new pieces, took photos of the pieces for Etsy, packed our clothes for the weekend, organized my meds for the weekend, loaded the back of the jeep, put all the stuff together for the dogs to travel, got the dogs in the car, picked up both kids from school, realized I forgot the cashbox so drove back to the house, then turned around and drove to pick my parter up from work.  If you live in this area, and/or if you know me personally, you know just how much driving this really is.  I went from Rowlett to Allen to Richardson, back to Rowlett, then back to Richardson, then Allen, then back to Rowlett then to Carrollton.  Now, after all of that, we are driving to Quanah which is roughly a five and a half hour drive.  I'm pretty much done with the inside of a car.

In the car on one of the many excursions

The kids and the dogs have finally settled in.  My partner is talking on the phone to a co-worker and I am blogging.  It will be about midnight when we finally pull in to Quanah.  I am thinking sleep will come easily tonight. 

Boot Bling & Basketball

Today was a very busy day and now I can't sleep so I'm blogging.  I created a few new pieces today but had no time to upload them onto my Etsy shop.  I'm making a bunch of boot bling in anticipation of my local North Texas shows since it seems that these seem to be selling rather well.  Here's a preview of what I will be adding to the shop ASAP.

Took my new meds too late last night and then couldn't wake up till around 10 o'clock this morning. I somehow need to remember to take my evening pills around 9:15 9:30 so that I have a morning the next day. Even though I took my meds late again I have to wake up tomorrow because the kids are here and I need to get them to school.  We watched my youngest play basketball this evening with her middle school team.  She scored 11 points and her team won - overall a pretty good evening for her with the exception of one play which had us all laughing so hard we almost fell off the bleachers.  It's hard to describe really other than to say that her team mate attempted to pass her the ball, she was unaware of the pass and once cognizant managed to miss it entirely as it flew directly over her landing just out of reach.  On paper - not so funny.  But trust me if you had been there you'd have been laughing.

My anxiety makes it difficult to attend team sports.  It's even more difficult when one of my children is playing.  I get so into it.  When the ref makes calls I'm not happy with, or our team screws up I get very worked up.  The let down if we lose is difficult too.  I just feel things more intensely than the average person and although at times it can be good, most of the time it sucks.

Saturday is our Quanah show.  We have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow evening.  Why have a show in a bitty town like Quanah you might ask?  Well, my parter's family lives there, that is where she grew up.  I do Bowie Trade Days for a similar reason, my mom lives there.  I enjoy doing the shows even though the sales have not been good.  I have faith that some day this will turn around and my jewelry will start selling at shows.  Wish us luck.

Cowgirls and Cocktails

Funny really that its the boot bling thats selling.  I'm not complaining, its just funny. In response I've made more to replenish the three that have sold.   Here are pics of the two recently created pieces I added to my Etsy store.  I guess I find it funny because I rarely wear boots, I am a New Yorker and in no way a cowgirl.  But they are fun to make and boot wearers love em'.

Check it out at my Etsy Store

Check it out at my Etsy Store

We Miss You Jack

I know its been a few days, and for those of you who actually read this blog, I am sorry.  I really want to write everyday because I do find it therapeutic, but this weekend life got majorly in the way.  I cooked and cooked for our Thanksgiving dinner, and the food was fabulous.  But things did not go as planned.  Our friends came over as scheduled with their two Boston Terrier dogs.  We let them out to play with our two dogs, and while we chatted and carved the turkey, one of their dogs Jack, jumped in our pool and drowned.Words cannot express just how horrible we feel.  We tried to save him using CPR but apparently he was too far gone when we got to him.

Obviously our friends left to bury their sweet dog, and we were left with enough food to feed an army and a horrible sad pit in our stomach.  We've apologized and asked what if anything we can do, but under the circumstances there is nothing to be done.  I still feel just sick about the whole thing, and wish I could turn back time. Here is a picture of sweet Jack, he will be very missed.


After the Thanksgiving Day tragedy, we tried to calm down and relax.  Eventually we broke out the food and then headed to our local Walmart for some early Black Friday deals.  We were there for four very long hours but left with what we had come for.  We've been eating leftovers everyday and still have a ton of food.  We tried to get some friends to come over and eat, but this holiday weekend had everyone busy.We did however get our Hannaristmas tree and our outside lights up.  We have two menorot, two dreidels and a Jewish star ornament on our tree.  My partner has a peanuts addiction, so the tree is very Snoopy heavy as well.  We add one new ornament a year.  I love our tree, after all the sadness this weekend, it brought a smile to my face.
I am offering a Cyber Monday sale.  If you use coupon code CYBER20, you will receive 20% off your entire purchase at my Etsy store.  I hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend.  I will be selling my jewelry and crafts at three shows:  Quanah, TX on December 1st, Bowie, TX on December 8th-9th and McKinney, TX on December 14-16th.  Check out my Facebook page for more details.

I didn't bead much, and honestly was kinda sad this whole weekend which made it hard to be creative.  Between the untimely demise of Jack, and my kids not being with us I just wasn't myself.  

Here are my various links:

Etsy: My Etsy Shop

Facebook: Facebook Page

Twitter: Twitter Profile

Pinterest: Pinterest Profile

Hypoturkeymania

"My Love"
Etsy Listing

Another racing mind sleepless night.  Slept roughly 3 hours last night, but on the up side I created a beautiful piece that will be hard to part with once it sells.  Its funny how this came to be.  I started off wanting to sculpt two women in an embrace.  I created one polymer clay female, and no matter what I did the second one was too large to really look like a woman, so I decided to turn it into a man.  So, for all my heterosexual friends out there, here is my new piece called: "My Love".  I intend to do a series of these, and will have one with two women and one with two men.

I am fairly certain I am in a mild hypomania.  The only good thing about this is that I will be able to get all of Thanksgiving taken care of with one hand tied behind my back.  A mild hypomanic state can be a blessing - it lifts the fog and jump starts my motivation.  I can't maintain too many days with little sleep. After a few days I usually crash and then it starts all over again.  If the past is any indication, this will only last for a few weeks.

Doubt I'll get to bead or blog tomorrow, but I guess taking a day off is a good thing.  Looking forward to some time with friends and some good traditional Thanksgiving food. I am making a turkey and all the fixins'.  Our friends are bringing a pumpkin cheesecake, and probably some wine.  It should be really nice.

I always wanted my house to be the place everyone came for the holidays.  No matter what I do it doesn't seem to work that way.  Maybe once all the kids are grown they will come home for the holidays, and the house will be packed.  I can only hope.  Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving, and please send your good vibes and/or prayers to the innocent civilians in the Middle East (we have a lot to be thankful for here in the United States).

Use coupon code BLOGGER20 and receive 20% of your purchase from my Etsy store on Black Friday!

The Jewish Ham

"Sea & Sand"
https://www.etsy.com/listing/115636208/
handmade-turquoise-and-gold-toned-beaded

Took a while to fall asleep again last night, but my racing thoughts produced a pretty necklace this morning.  I wasn't up late beading, but I did remember what I was thinking as I fell asleep, and created this piece that reminds me of the sea and the sand.

On a funny note - and with a nod to yesterday's blog, this good Jewish girl from NYC cooked a ham last night for my partner's Thanksgiving meal at work.  I did this last year as well and apparently the "Jewish Ham" was requested again this year.

I am not a huge fan of ham, if I am going to be bad and eat pork, its going to be bacon.  When I kept kosher, bacon was  absolutely the hardest to give up.  I think the smell of cooking bacon might be powerful enough to raise me from the dead.

So, with all our Thanksgiving food stuffed into our refrigerator I cooked a ham.  We had to put it into a cooler full of ice last night since there was just no room left in the fridge.  It still feels kinda funny cooking a ham, eating bacon, etc., but not bad or guilty funny, just strange.  Maybe there is a part of me that feels bad and guilty, but obviously not a big enough part to change my behavior.

I think I still have one more piece in me today - at least I came up with one more while I was lying there hoping to fall asleep.  There is still the housework and the cooking as well, but I need to create the things that my imagination dreams up before I have a senior moment and forget them!

Dreidels and Diversity

I am not your typical Texan. Here in the bible belt being a mentally ill, Jewish, lesbian, adoptee engaged to a Southern Baptist has its draw backs.  If I were not Caucasian, the state might just spit me out entirely.  That being said, I intend to create some jewelry that reflects who I am.  Now I am no girly girl, and I really don't like bling, but in the spirit of enterprise I created this Hanukkah charm bracelet.

I intend to make some Hanukkah pieces that are more my style, and maybe some gay pride jewelry too.  We celebrate Hanaristmas at our house and its a lot of fun since we light menorot and we have a beautiful tree (which has some Hannukah ornaments on it) as well.  Each night of Hanukkah we light our menorot and the kids pick a present from under the tree - LOL.  I make latkes and if we are so inclined we will play a game of dreidel.  We celebrate Christmas with my partner's family and my birth family.

This may all sound very confusing to you, but it works for us and the holidays are a special time for me.  I was raised Jewish and as a child I was jealous of all the kids who had Christmas trees at home.  Being Jewish is a part of who I am.  I was just jealous of the pretty tree.  Now I have the best of both worlds in our home.

This week being Thanksgiving, we decided that we are going to stay home and have our own dinner with friends since the kids will not be with us.  It will be fun and highly diverse - our friends who are agnostic and atheist and expecting a baby any day now, their brother, my partner, myself and possibly four dogs.  Wish we could invite some Asian, African American and Hispanic folks to our table.  I guess my love of diversity is the New Yorker in me.

Everyday is a new day - today my meds are making me very drowsy.  I figure its the meds because I slept well.  I think I am coming out of my depressive state and moving into a mixed state right now. What will "normal" look like for me?  Where will I be after staying on medication for a long time and remaining in therapy?  I know the answer to that will only come with time.

Being the cook in the house I am off to shop for my eclectic Thanksgiving meal. Thanks for reading and I'd love any comments.

Wishing Time Would Stand Still

Today was amazing.  Finally really rested. Didn't go anywhere, didn't do anything.  We rested, cuddled with the dogs, watched movies, fixed my domain, redesigned this blog and ate comfort food.  These are the days I wish would never end.  But alas that pit in my stomach called Monday morning is slowly returning.

The dogs were equally lazy (not that most days for them aren't just like this one).  Damn it must be good to be a dog - at least one of our dogs -  LOL. 



Pastel drawing I did of Fred.

Once again being creative was not in the equation.  I was so tired from yesterday and SO happy to finally have some quiet time with my partner.  It's days like these when we reconnect and remember what brought us together to begin with.

I successfully walked to the mailbox today (no falling involved) and retrieved yesterday's mail which included some purchases I made for some custom orders I recently received.  I love getting fun things in the mail - I am such a child.  I have to open it up immediately and look through each item repeatedly.  Given the arrival of the new beads, charms and findings, I would've started on one of the pieces, but I still have a few more things I am waiting for. I will create something new tomorrow.

If you are reading this I hope your weekend was as enjoyable and relaxing as mine.  We all need time to recharge our batteries and reconnect with our loved ones.

Babies, Business and Being Calm

Did the baby shower thing today.  We’ve been to two in the last two weeks.  Everyone is pregnant at my partner’s work place, and it seems like each and every one of them is having a boy.  I honestly thought my baby shower years were over and done with.  I’m going to be 43 and most of my friends have already had their brood.  I have five, and I am certainly done with reproduction.  Every baby shower holds the same activities for its participants.  I can honestly say I am not interested in wrapping another streamer around anyone else’s pregnant belly.  My time is usually spent assuaging the expectant mother’s fears of labor, delivery and nursing.  My physique on the other hand does not leave them with much post-partum hope.

Currently we are on our way to Wichita Falls, “City Lights” parade.  We haven’t even celebrated Thanksgiving, and we are basically celebrating Christmas.  Attendance at this parade is an annual tradition for my partner’s family.  So we are driving three hours to stand in the cold and watch people walk or ride down the street throwing candy at kids.  I am wearing one of my new pieces – marketing, marketing, marketing.  And I am carrying my business cards just in case someone notices.  Someone did notice earlier at the baby shower so I am hoping for a new customer soon.

 

I drive a red mini cooper (whom I fondly named Maxine – I enjoy irony.) I love my car – we zip around town together getting all sorts of compliments.  I need to get a “Born to Bead” license plate cover and we will be the perfect pair. My partner is driving now and I feel nice and relaxed.  The weekends are better for my anxiety and depression – not being home alone helps tremendously.  Beads and dogs are great but they seriously lack conversational skills. 

 

Christmas Before Thanksgiving

Won’t be able to bead today (unless of course I can’t sleep again).  I miss the creative process when I cannot engage in it.  But today is about business promotion.  Gave a card out at the shower, and maybe I can hand one more out today (if I don’t freeze to death). Gonna spend some quality time with the woman I love and with family. Weekends are always too short.

My nephew is on this float somewhere - with his cub scout troup.

The Good, The Bad & The Beautiful

The good news is that it was only the battery! Yay!!  The bad news is that I am still hurting and can now add exhaustion to the list. I couldn't sleep last night and was up till almost three a.m. beading.  I decided to bead after spending about an hour tossing and turning - and thinking about beading.  My bipolar disorder has me tending toward racing thoughts.  This can be incredibly difficult if it occurs when you are trying to sleep.  My mind was moving so fast, beads were flying, Thanksgiving dinner was spinning, the marketing of my jewelry was knocking on the door, and the ever present and ignored housework was screaming in my left ear.

Thanksgiving has to be my favorite holiday. We don't have the kids this year which is both a relief and depressing at the same time.  We are having some friends over which I am excited about - I love having company at the house and preparing a nice meal.

Here is the necklace and earrings I created in the wee hours of the morning.  No bling this time, but beautiful.  Back to my more earthy and natural expressions.  I took this photo in the front yard and honestly its getting pretty cold.  I don't know how much longer I will be able to take these pretty outdoor photos of my jewelry.

I sincerely hope this lack of sleep is not a prerequisite to a hypomanic stage.  I just don't know.  I think if it were however, I would just keep going and going and I'd be far happier - LOL.  I don't know if I can keep going today - I'm absolutely pooped!

When I check the mail today I am seriously considering driving the 40 feet or so to the mailbox.  I just don't trust myself (with good reason). I already have a metal plate in one ankle.  I don't feel the need to even myself out.  I certainly was not blessed with gracefulness and agility. Good fine motor coordination, its the gross motor that is severely lacking.

It is quite obvious from this paragraph structure that my mind is still jumping around all over the place.  I am going to try and rest for a while and refuel.

Here are my various links:

Etsy: My Etsy Shop

Facebook: Facebook Page

Twitter: Twitter Profile

Pinterest: Pinterest Profile

The Car, The Curb & The Cure

I guess the wrong Gods were listening when I mentioned yesterday that I didn't want to go to therapy.  Of course the remedy for this desire just caused an entirely new problem.  My partner called me at 5:45 yesterday afternoon only to tell me that her car wouldn't start and I needed to come get her. Another added and unexpected expense. Oh well, it happens to everyone and we just need to work our way through it. Maybe its just the battery? We can only hope. Bah humbug to the Car Gods!

Today I decided to make a bracelet since I never make bracelets.  I really don't know why I don't, I guess i just really enjoy necklaces. The piece I made today kinda brought the bling together with the natural. LOL.  I like it, even though I am not a bling person in the least.

To top things all off, on my way to check the mail (hoping for some new supplies I ordered) I came down off of the curb wrong, twisted my ankle and then fell to my hands and knees.  This would not be so bad if I didn't already have arthritis in all those places!  So needless to say, I am hurting all over today and hoping our car repair doesn't break our bank.

I love creating new things.  I may still have another piece in me today, but I am resting all my joints for a little while and thought it would be a good time to blog.

When I fell, it was just for a moment that I felt completely alone.  There was no one on our street and I was in pain, laying there hoping that I could manage to make it to my feet and hobble home. Of course I did, and when I opened the door my basset hound Fred (who likely heard me yelp in pain) was at the door eagerly awaiting my return.  It felt good to have him right there when I got back.  He hasn't left my side since.  Dogs are such amazing beings.  We have two; Fred (the basset) and Harley (the standard daschund/chow?/corgi???).  They both like to lie right near me while I bead which also helps with my anxiety.  I am beginning to think I need a little dog to carry around and keep the anxiety at bay when the two big ones can't be with me. LOL!

Fred and Harley resting while I bead.

Here are my various links:
Etsy: My Etsy Shop
Facebook: Facebook Page
Twitter: Twitter Profile
Pinterest: Pinterest Profile

Purple Polymer Clay and Me

Today I have been so busy - which is good when you have severe anxiety.  I have almost been too busy to be distressed.  I try very hard to keep myself busy for this very reason, but sometimes a bout of depression makes it very difficult to stay motivated.  I completed a piece today that maybe no one will buy, but it was fun and I let my imagination have a good time with it.

My favorite color is purple, so I decided to play with some purple polymer clay and see what happened.  This is what I got.

Now that the piece is finished and promoted on Etsy, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, I thought it would be a good time to blog.  I have therapy tonight and I absolutely do not want to go.  I don't really know why I don't want to, I just don't.  I think part of it is I feel like I am spinning my wheels.  I take my meds (a whole lot of em'), and I use as many coping skills as I can to function daily - sometimes its not enough and I still don't really show up in my own life.  I know I am fighting a depression right now and this has made it difficult to function in general. I feel like I am constantly fighting an uphill battle.

I feel guilty too because I can spend a few functional hours doing something I love, like designing jewelry, drawing, painting etc., but then when I am asked to do simple things at home like a load of laundry or a sink of dishes I can't seem to get my act together.  Sometimes I really miss the old me, the unmedicated me who although I was hypomanic most of the time, could do SO much in a day and do it well; and then continue to do it day after day.

My kids come to our house tomorrow.  This is always a challenge as I want so desperately to be engaged with them, yet the two who are still at home are both teens and want nothing more than to be unengaged and independent.  Teens are not much fun.  

In the beginning...

It may be odd to blog about making jewelry, or the creative process, but its so much more for me than that.  I started making jewelry a number of years ago and found it to be both a very relaxing endeavor and something to occupy my mind and use my creative skills.  As the years progressed friends and family thought I should sell my work. I've decided to give it a try and it's very validating to have complete strangers tell you they think your work is beautiful.

Jewelry making was a hobby at first, an outlet for me.  It has truly become a life saving venture.  I suffer from bi-polar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder all of which have put me on disability and have made it nearly impossible to work in a standard setting.  I worked for many years. Even staying diligently on all of my medications, my anxiety in particular has become debilitating. Sitting calmly with my beads focuses me, and even if only for a brief time I am relaxed.  

I take a lot of time with each piece I create.  I enjoy working with many media.  In addition to creating jewelry, I paint, draw and sing.  Every day I try to make the time to do something creative. Today for instance I created a piece that I probably wouldn't wear, but my family and friends have asked repeatedly that I try to create things with a bit more "bling".  So on occasion I work with sparkly things.  Here is a picture of what I created today:

In order to promote my work, I have created an Etsy Store, a Facebook page, I have been "pinning" some of my items on Pinterest and Tweeting.  It takes a lot of effort to get my work out there but my partner helps me as much as she can.

Even medicated and in therapy its so hard controlling my behaviors and emotions.  I struggle every day and there are many days I get very tired of the struggle.  The creative outlets are so important as they bring value to being and hopefully some beauty into the world.

Each day I will try and blog about my creations, my daily struggles and my coping mechanisms.  Maybe someone will be interested in reading this crazy lady's blog. LOL

Here are my various links:
Etsy: My Etsy Shop
Facebook: Facebook Page
Twitter: Twitter Profile
Pinterest: Pinterest Profile